Single and struggling to find a long-term relationship in spite of putting yourself out there? You’re not alone.

Kam is a 36-year-old woman who’s dated quite a bit in recent years but has never had a long-term relationship. She says she has plenty of options but “they never seem to go anywhere. Most of the time I know within a couple of minutes whether I’m interested in someone. And the guys I really like don’t seem to be into me.”

Arjun, a 29-year old man who’s eager to find his life partner and build a family, says he’s having a hard time getting first dates to begin with. “Most of the time when I match with someone on one of the apps, they’ll respond to a couple messages and then disappear. I don’t get it.”

When starting dating coaching or therapy with clients like Kam and Arjun, my team and I conduct a comprehensive assessment to clarify why they are chronically single. Among other things, we assess how shyness, introversion, and anxiety play into their capacity to build emotional connections on dates.