What is a Date-Me Doc?
A Date-Me Doc is a document—often a Google Doc—that's very much like an online dating profile, but it lives outside of the apps. It shares who you are, what you're looking for, photos, and key information.
I think of it as a callback to an earlier era of online dating—think old-school profiles like early OkCupid—when you had more space to write, more nuance, and more room to actually get to know someone.
It's also a wonderful tool for moving in-person out of the friend zone and into a relationship. You can share Date-Me Docs with acquaintances you'd like to date, love interests you want to go deeper with, or friends who have a match in mind for you. So it's a nice hybrid between online dating and dating in the flesh.
Date-Me Docs and directories like the Date Me Directory allow for a slower pace and much more in-depth information. They're less focused on a single image and more on the person as a whole.
I was quoted in The New York Times about Date-Me Docs a few years ago, when there was a sudden surge of interest in them. You can read that piece here:
👉 New York Times article on Date-Me Docs
Since then, I've become even more of a fan. Here's why:
Why should you create a Date-Me Doc?
Why create a document outside of the dating apps at all? Why go to the trouble—especially since you're not automatically connected to a vast pool of available singles the way you are on apps?
Love Favors the Clear-Sighted
A Date-Me Doc is incredibly useful even if you never share it with anyone. I actually recommend them for anyone who's dating, because to create one, you have to get really clear about your Me, You, We, meaning:
Who you are (and why you'd make a wonderful partner)
What you're looking for in a partner (your ideal mate)
What you envision for your future relationship (your ideal relationship)
Even if you created a Date-Me Doc and never shared it with anyone, I believe it would still be an invaluable process. Think of it this way—how many people have you encountered in dating who don't know themselves well or have clarity about who and what they're looking for?
If you can create a Date-Me Doc, you're very well positioned to find—or recognize—your person. You've grounded yourself in your relationship vision, which means you more easily navigate dealmakers and dealbreakers, increasing the ease with which you'll find a connection that works in the long run.
More Info, More (Hella Compatible) Dates
Beyond that, Date-Me Docs are also a great way to share more about yourself with someone you meet—whether that's online or in real life.
Unlike dating apps, a Date-Me Doc has no character limits. You can be creative and take your time discussing what you're looking for, giving people a chance to get to know you more deeply before going on a date.
In my experience, more information up top leads to more dates with people who are an enthusiastic Yes! to you and your vision, and fewer dates with people who aren't a good match.
I can't tell you how many people I work with who've spent years in relationships with people who weren't actually a good fit for them. They delayed conversations about important dealbreakers for YEARS. If they had shared those up top, they could have saved everyone a great deal of heartache.
When you meet someone in the real world and feel it's appropriate, you can share your Date-Me Doc.
If that feels vulnerable, consider how often you've wished you could know someone's deal. How many times have you crushed on someone and wondered, Are they single? If they are, am I who they're looking for? Is it even worth taking a risk and asking them out?
In my experience, people who receive a Date-Me Doc get excited. I've often seen Date-Me Docs beget other Date-Me Docs—people read one and decide to create their own.
Sharing a Date-Me Doc is a sign that you're in it to win it—that you've taken the time to think deeply about who you are and what you want.
Practical Benefits
Make Profile Generation Easier: A Date-Me Doc can function as your central online dating document—think of it as the source from which all your dating profile content flows. Different apps offer different features, making it challenging to complete profiles across multiple platforms. A Date-Me Doc gives you content to pull from when creating or updating profiles. As you grow, date, heal, and learn more about yourself, update it. Let it evolve with you.
Reduce Burnout: Dating is inherently hard, but large app companies are incentivized to keep people on platforms as long as possible. That can mean more gamification, more intermittent reinforcement, and fewer truly high-quality matches. Date-Me Docs prioritize quality over quantity. Keep in mind you don't have to replace the apps entirely; using a Google Doc will let you share what you like outside the apps, regaining control over your information. If you delete the apps entirely, note that fewer people will use Date-Me Docs or be aware of them, so you'll be drawing from a smaller pool overall. That's a real limitation—but for many people, especially those burned out on apps, depth and intentionality are worth it.
Tap Into Friend Matchmaking: If you have friends you love spending time with and think, If I could find someone like them, I'd be lucky, those are exactly the people to involve. A Date-Me Doc can live not just on your computer, but in your best friend's phone or inbox—something they can easily share when they meet someone and think you two would be just perfect for one another. Sending your Date-Me Doc to friends helps them understand your specific vision and think more intentionally about who to connect you with—not just someone you might have chemistry with, but someone who truly aligns with your values.
A note on demographics, gender dynamics, and safety
One thing that shows up in Date-Me Doc spaces is a gender imbalance—the vast majority of profiles were written by cisgendered men who are interested in women.
This aligns with broader dating dynamics. Women tend to receive a very high volume of attention, which can feel overwhelming and, at times, unsafe. As a result, many women may be understandably cautious about sharing detailed personal information online and may prefer greater control over filtering and initiating contact.
This doesn't mean Date-Me Docs aren't for women—they absolutely are—but it does mean that safety, pacing, and boundaries matter, and people should engage in ways that feel right for them. Note that the Date-Me Directory allows contact information to be submitted via a simple contact form on a site like Notion rather than via email.
Queer folks write Date-Me Docs too, though the directories skew toward hetero dating, similar to the apps. Another demographic trend worth knowing is that the majority of profiles on the Date-Me Directory belong to 20-somethings and 30-somethings.
All that said, I want to reiterate that creating a Date-Me Doc is beneficial for numerous reasons and recommend doing so regardless of the size of the Date-Me Doc singles pool.
How to Write a Date-Me Doc
To create a Date-Me Doc worthy of the cutest cuties, use our template and the tips that follow.
I also recommend browsing examples in the Date Me Directory for inspiration. Closely observing how other people structure their docs, share their personalities, and strike a balance between honesty and warmth can be really helpful as you shape your own.
How to Write a Date-Me Doc that Actually Gets You Dates
Just as with online dating profiles, there are compelling Date-Me Docs, and then there are the remaining 96% of Date-Me Docs.
Too harsh? Sorry to throw shade, but I'm not wrong, right? How many dating profiles have you looked at and thought, Did AI write this?
The following tips will help you create a Date-Me Doc that actually leads to high quality dates. If you want more, listen to our Online Dating 102 episode or read this blog article for an even more in-depth dive into how to write a compelling online dating profile.
Use compelling writing
Use imagery. Tap into the five senses.
Balance abstract traits with concrete examples—show, don't tell.
Avoid spelling and grammar mistakes—they matter more than people think.
Use an authentically uplifting tone
Be positive. Let this be the first place you practice building a secure-functioning relationship.
Reference deal makers, not deal breakers. In other words, share what you want, not what you don't want.
If you reference your flaws, do it gently and positively. Don't overload the document with disclaimers.
Be authentic (and don't water yourself down)
To stand out, be the you-est you you can be.
Don't misrepresent yourself. Avoid presenting a watered-down version of yourself just to appeal to more people—this may increase quantity, but it lowers quality.
Be witty, wisely
Sense of humor matters—but the kind of humor matters. Humor that connects builds warmth and trust. Sarcastic, aggressive, or self-defeating humor tends to erode it.
What Should a Date-Me Doc Contain?
Here's what I recommend including:
Your Name
Start by sharing your name in a friendly, warm way. Use the same language you'd use if you were to meet someone in person. For example, Hey there, I'm Jessica!
A Hook
Next, include an (ideally witty) subtitle that clarifies that this is your Date-Me Doc. For example:
Dog dad available for adoption immediately. Cheerful, snuggly, and clean. Loves listening and giving high-quality hugs when you're having a bad day.
Avoid trite phrases like Adventure lover looking for a partner in crime who loves to laugh. Instead, aim for something specific and memorable.
Pictures
Sprinkle your Date-Me Doc with multiple high-quality, current photos that clearly show you. I recommend at least three, including:
A headshot
A picture of you from the waist up
A picture of you doing something you love
Avoid group photos, selfies, heavy filters, or anything that makes it hard to tell who you are.
If you struggle to take good photos, schedule a photo shoot with a friend (ideally one with a DSLR) who can help you relax, shoot during golden hour, or consider professional photos if that's accessible.
A "Me" Section
Here's where we get into the meat of your Date-Me Doc.
Take at least a paragraph to describe yourself.
Self-disclose to build a deep connection right off the bat. That said, there's a sweet spot—avoid oversharing and trauma dumping. If you worry you're not in that sweet spot, run your profile by someone you trust.
Go beyond tacos and beer: speak to your values, emotions, dreams, and quirks.
Be the you-est you you can be. Owning your quirks can help you stand out. If you don't know what they are, ask your friends, What makes me unlike other people?
Another great question you can ask friends to help inspire this section is, If you had to share one memorable moment from knowing me that perfectly captures who I am, what moment would that be, and why?
If you need even more inspiration, borrow prompts from dating apps.
This section might start with something like:
Me: Dad jokes for days, good at cleaning up my messes promptly, and wildly attracted to women who feel deeply.
A "You" Section
Describe your ideal mate in a paragraph or more.
If you've completed our Partner Guide, make sure to include the traits from your Ideal Mate exercise short list.
This section might include something like:
You pet every dog you come across, laugh loudly and often (especially at yourself), and want to visit every state park in the U.S. with your future raucous clan consisting of approximately one husband, three kids, and two rescue pups.
A "We" Section
Describe your ideal relationship.
If you're looking for something long-term and deep, say that! Research has shown that those who indicate they're looking for an LTR transparently are more likely to be liked or messaged.
This section may include a description of your ideal day or date with your partner.
You might include something like:
We are best friends who can't keep their hands off one another, passionate couples therapy-goers (yay, growth!), co-creative all day every day (e.g., couples costumes, homemade music videos, epic dinner parties), and never hesitate to put one another first!
Contact Info
Here, invite the reader to reach out and provide your contact information.
Extra points for telling them where you'd like to take them on your first date.
For example:
May I treat you to hot chocolate at the edge of Lake Temescal? Text me at 405-781-9130. Yay!
How long should your Date-Me Doc be?
I recommend making your Date-Me Doc 500-1500 words in length, which is 1-3 pages if you're using 12 point single spaced font. That's the length of text most people can sustain attention when reading something they're intrinsically interested in.
That said, it's still worth putting some of the most compelling text up top, as attention spans in modern dating are short. So, don't forget your hook, and put extra care into the first few lines of text. And, just as in a dating profile, your first photo should be your best (I recommend your favorite headshot).
Where should your Date-Me Doc live?
As mentioned previously, many people write their Date-Me Docs in a Google Doc. Notion is another common option.
Once you've created your Date-Me Doc, what next?
I recommend submitting your doc to the Date Me Directory. While you're there, why not peruse the profiles again and send your Date-Me Doc to someone you find intriguing?
Next, send your Date-Me Doc to loved ones who might know your future partner. Ask them to set you up with anyone who matches what you described in your doc.
Lastly, don't hesitate to share your Date-Me Doc with cuties you meet online or IRL. You can say something like,
Hey, can I share my Date-Me Doc with you? It shares a bit more about me and what I'm looking for romantically—would you be interested in seeing it?
If that feels a bit vulnerable, lead with that! Remember, secure-functioning relationships are built on emotional vulnerability, and research shows that people who appear nervous in dating situations are actually perceived as more attractive. So, you might say:
This feels a little vulnerable, but I'm wondering if you'd be open to me sharing my Date-Me Doc with you? It's something I wrote up about who I am and the kind of relationship I'm looking to build with someone. Would you be open to that?
Conclusion
Date-Me Docs help you understand yourself, share who you are with potential dates, and give loved ones something concrete to work with when they're playing matchmaker. They can lead to more—and better—dates, offer an alternative to the apps, and save you time and heartache by making compatibility easier to assess early on.
So what are you waiting for? Grab the template and start writing. Your future partner will be even more of an enthusiastic YES! when they see how clear and intentional you are about what you want.
