👂 Prefer to listen? Check out Online Dating 102: Perfecting Your Profile and Photos on our podcast, I Love You, Too.
Your dating profile is your first impression with your potential lifelong love, no less. In a world of endless swiping, you've got about three seconds to catch and keep their attention. The good news? A few strategic tweaks to your writing and photos can dramatically improve your results.
This article covers the essentials of crafting a profile that actually represents who you are while standing out from the Sea of Unoriginal (anyone else gonna scream if they hear about another adventure lover looking for partners in crime?). We'll walk through writing techniques that hook readers, photo best practices backed by data, and the mindset shifts that help you attract the right matches instead of just more matches.
Use compelling writing
Start with a hook
Please avoid trite phrases such as “adventure lover looking for a partner in crime who loves to laugh!” Instead, say something that stands out, like, “Dog dad available for adoption immediately. Cheerful, snuggly, and clean. Loves listening and giving high-quality hugs when you’re having a bad day.”
Use imagery
Use language that taps into the reader’s five senses. Instead of, “I love hiking and hope you do, too,” try, “Looking for my forever hiking buddy! My perfect date would include a leisurely stroll through the greens and golds of Tilden, then splitting a cold beer at Inspiration Point as we watch the sunset.”
Or, “Seeking an adventure buddy to get white mochas and walk through the San Francisco Flower Market on a sunny Saturday morning. My favorites are always the dahlias (preferably pink!) and roses (preferably fragrant!), but really any colorful blossoms make me smile.”
Balance general, abstract language with specific, concrete language
This connects to the writing principle “show, don’t tell.”
For example, if you share that you’re a foodie, follow it up with an example: “Foodie forever and always! Take me to your favorite farmer’s market to sample the stone fruit, and I’ll gladly treat you to ramen at my favorite hole-in-the-wall Japanese spot.”
Avoid spelling and grammar mistakes
You might be surprised how quickly such mistakes prompt a left swipe.
Use an Authentically Uplifting Tone
Be Positive
Use a warm tone to start building that secure functioning relationship from go!
I highly recommend referencing deal breakers and Green Lights, particularly if you’re working on breaking a pattern of dating Attractions of Deprivation. That said, do so by sharing what you want rather than what you don’t want.
Instead of “Swipe left if you’re looking for a situationship, have no friends, or have never been to therapy,” try “Swipe right if you’re looking for your forever +1 and feel comfortable going at a slow-yet-steady pace because you’ve got amazing friends and a kick-ass therapist.”
If you reference your flaws, do it in a positive way. Don’t overload the profile with disclaimers!
Be Authentic
Remember, to stand out, be the youest-you you can be!
Don’t misrepresent yourself — this will prevent you from getting to a second date and/or create problems later. Unmet expectations is one of the top reasons people decline another date.
Similarly, avoid presenting a watered-down version of yourself — this reduces the quality of your matches, even if it increases the quantity.
Be Witty
Sense of humor is frequently mentioned when people describe what they’re looking for in a long-term partner, but the kind of humor matters.
Research shows your humor style is tied to your attachment style—secure partners tend to use humor that connects rather than distances. Lean into affiliative or self-enhancing jokes that bring warmth and confidence, and skip sarcastic, aggressive, or self-defeating ones, which tend to erode trust.
Share High Quality Photos
What to Include
At least four high-quality photos, ideally taken by a DSLR camera.
You should be shown wearing at least two outfits, including a dressier one that you might wear on a date.
A black and white photo (these see a 106% boost in likes!).
Candid images (they’re 15% more likely to get a like than a posed photo!).
What NOT to Include
Group photos. Don’t make people work to figure out who you are.
Selfies, esp. the bathroom mirror selfie. These reduce your chances of getting a like by 90%.
Pictures with filters, sunglasses, or anything else that makes it hard to tell who you are
Pictures with someone who could be confused for your partner (or child).
What makes a good dating photo?
Open body language
A natural smile
It’s current. You should look like your photo; otherwise, you’ll come across as deceptive.
High quality - not blurry, out of focus, or poorly cropped
How do you take good pictures for an online dating profile?
If you struggle to get photos of yourself that look natural, bring a friend to your photo shoot who will be happy to be silly with you and help you relax and open up.
Shoot 1.5 hours before sunset; this is known as the “Golden Hour”—the light is softer and a lovely golden color.
Consider getting professional photos taken if that’s within your resources.
TLDR
Write with specificity and imagery — "Dog dad available for adoption" beats "adventure lover" every time
Show, don't tell — Follow abstract claims ("I'm a foodie") with concrete examples (your favorite farmer's market + hole-in-the-wall ramen spot)
Stay positive and authentic — Frame deal-breakers as what you want, not what you're avoiding
Use warm humor — Affiliative jokes build connection; sarcasm and self-deprecation erode trust
Photos matter more than you think — Skip selfies (90% fewer likes), include a black-and-white shot (106% boost), and shoot during golden hour for natural, flattering light
